Yesteryday I invited my girlfriends to attend Jars of Clay concert with some people from church. When we are given our seating arrangements, I noticed that I was not sitting with the girlfriends I had invited. They were sitting from a different row and I was to sit next to my husband. I tried to see if we could sit altogether, but there were not enough sits to seat us in one row. Therefore, I asked my husband to trade seats so I could sit with the girlfriends I had invited instead of sitting with my husband.
This request probably would not be a big deal before I was married. This request might not be a big deal if it was for the first time. This request might not be an issue for you. However, I have observed whenever I invite guests, I tend to put their comfort level more of a priority than my husband's. I do not want the transition of marriage to neglect my relationships. My husband and I both know that small instances such as these are out of the kindness and the desire of my heart to be with my friends.
However, yesterday instance hit me. If I were to do this repeatedly, would it be wrong? How many times will it take before he gets angry? I know if he did this to me, I would be upset. So is it fair to treat him because he is being thoughtful and understanding? Or are females okay to act like this?
I am confessing that I have been doing this over and over. In the midst of it, I have a million thoughts of guilt. Sometimes I regret inviting my friends. I feel like I am being a bad wife, even though my husband doesn't care. Other times I am so glad I invested in my friends because we got to strenthen our friendships.
Furthermore, as I sit here, I can recall the family dynamics growing up. When we had guests over at the house, my parents put me 2nd to the attention of their guests. My parents always went out of their way to make their guests feel pampered and had to ignore our wishes to do so. We ate the guests' preference, we visited where the guests' wanted to see, and etc. Their actions never made me feel like I was less loved, but it did make me feel less cared for in those specific moments. I knew I had to sacrifice a certain time period only because after the guests left, I would be the queen of the house. Hence, maybe my actions stem from the way my family treated me.
I don't want to have to choose anyone for keeps nor anyone to strip from my activities. I am an extravert who is a pleaser. I want to make both sides happy. Is reality different from my idea of happiness? Maybe someday be able to invite my friends to all the events, but feel total secure that they don't need my 100% attention. Most importantly, all this supplements to my recognition to how amazing my husband is and more love to him.
*Check out Jars of Clay Christmas CD! www.jarsofclay.com
via d'amor
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2 comments:
most of the time it is unsaid, but we do appreciate the great lengths you and isaac go through to remind us how much we are loved!
This is a most interesting post. Joy and I have known Isaac for several years. Unfortunately because of physical distance, we haven't yet had as much opportunity to get to know you like we wish. But Isaac has always been willing to do ANYTHING for his friends. And it appears you are two peas in a pod in that regard.
I once heard a minister say something about how we subject our spouses to all our negatives...our mess, our bad attitudes, complaining when things go wrong, our true moral compass, etc. But when friends and colleagues are around we clean our house and polish ourselves up to portray a persona that's sometimes a far cry from reality.
In all of the charades, the beautiful thing, is that even with all the junk, you (not you specifically) find a person who accepts your faults and loves you in spite of them. It's a mutual understanding and respect. Yes, we'll agree to take great care of our friends, our business, our ______ (plug your whatever in here), but we love and trust each other more than life itself and if ever our love is in danger, we trust that the other partner will speak up.
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